Remembering the Boundaries
by Ditz with a Pen
Summary: Kyle was in love with Kenny, but Kenny didn't feel the same way. Then, when Kenny gets amnesia, suddenly he's paying attention to him the way in which he'd always wanted him. It was what he'd always wanted, but it was wrong. What would anyone do with Kenny looking at them in such a way? He can't act on it. Not until the memories return. But then, so would the boundaries.
1. Chapter 1

_**Remembering the Boundaries**_

 **Chapter One:**

Light taps of finger pads against a right thigh was the only outward sign of Kyle's inward stress. The same pattern over and over, one finger after another tapped against the fabric of his jeans, their light weight allowing only the most minuscule acknowledgement physically on his body. Yet, these fingers were the only thing keeping the redhead in his place on the couch and not running straight out the door. And only he and Stan knew it.

 _Tap, tap tap, tap,_ they padded against the tense thigh. One after another, Kyle's focus stayed heavily on the movements, barely having the sense to flip page after page of his now-hazy textbook. Words unfocused and eyes blurring them together further and further with each sound of the room's only coupling making out on the carpet to the right of the redhead's seat.

Each kiss seemed to last forever, and each moan was in slow motion. And with each sound, the fingers began their pattern from the beginning once more. Just as the session of lips pressed together continued against the yells of a too-focused Cartman on his new video game and Stan's ever-lasting crunches of the endless; crinkly bag of chips, the tapping continued with just as much fever and devotion.

This continued, just as it did for each gathering of the small group that included a girl hanging off the only blond of the group. Each tap a distraction to pull him from the envious thoughts swirling through his mind just as rapid and forceful as the day they began.

 _Tap, tap tap, tap, tap..._

It was bearable, but only just. Crossed legs, tense with the pull of muscle to keep from becoming just as jittery as his fingers. Just as the same pull kept the rest of his body from bolting from his seat and out of the awkward setting. Awkward only to him, he knew, but still too full of the stiff air for him not to feel suffocated by proximity of the couple.

With each movement stifled with a forced tight stiffness, it hurt when the sudden scream of victory from the red-coated teen in front of the TV had Kyle starting harshly. "Goddammit..." he said out of habit alone.

He felt eyes on him before he glanced up, noting the concerned look of his best friend and facing it with a frown of his own. Stan only shrugged in reply, before turning back to the game he'd been playing against Cartman. Kyle sighed softly, his tapping having stopped with the unexpected scare. Distraction no more, green eyes surveyed the random page of his textbook slightly more steadily than they had prior.

The words, logically, made sense apart from each other, but with a muffled laugh continuing nearby, Kyle found each word's meaning lost. Muddled definitions changed quickly to jumbled letters and lost placement of sentence structure. Blurred and uneven paragraphs daunted on him as he tried in vain to make sense of the pages. Fingers touched the edge of the paper uncertainly before flipping the book forward quickly.

The next page began with a sentence he could read, but with a _mewl_ of affection from the only girl in the room, it too became too hazed to read. Instead, the page took away the letters completely, this time replacing them with bold; black lines. He squinted, the beginning edges of the words he knew to be there was all that remained of the text.

 _"Oh..."_

The low sound had his concentration on the sound in the room amplifying as his eyes lost track of where they were once settled. A blink cleared only so much before warm palms pressed against his eyes comfortingly. The rubbed them with a small amount of roughness in the gesture, a bit of frustration finding its way into the familiar movement.

A few more blinks later and Kyle found the book legible once again. But by now, it was too late to try to catch up on his reading. With a lost placement in the chapter and a lack of notes-other than the hastily scribbled name and date-told him it was time to leave Cartman's house and forego staying the night once again.

And if anyone but Stan noticed his lack of hours spent in his friends' company, they had never made it known. Just as he doubted they would anytime soon.

Taking only a little time to check his phone's lack of messages and stage a quick reply that never actually occurred, Kyle placed his belongings in the messenger bag that had been swung over the couch's arm. And with a grace that betrayed his current mentality, he pulled the strap of his bag over his opposite shoulder and stood from the couch to walk to the front door.

He ignored Stan as he did this, walking slowly to the door so as not to arouse much suspicion, knowing the other was watching his movements with the same sad knowing look he always did. Normally, he'd at least try to let Stan what was on his mind, but this time he couldn't bring himself to admit how bothered he was with the entire situation.

He was supposed to be applying to colleges and keeping close to his friends while they still had the time to do so; not running off on them and letting some of his grades slip right before the end of the year. He knew it wasn't fair to them, and to his mother who'd watched over every paper he'd ever written with great care for his college choices to vary for whatever career he chose to pursue.

And here he was fucking it all up in one swoop in the final semester of high school he'd ever take. All because he was uncomfortable and in absolute envy over every single girl with which Kenny found himself. And it was all because he was an absolute fucking _idiot_ about his feelings.

Girls with his friends, even ones with which he found himself crushing on, had never been so bad. It was the fact he had acted on those emotions that tore him apart.

 _It'd been a cold winter's afternoon, school called off early for an ice warning. Snowflakes flew in flurries, hitting Kyle's forehead as he looked up at the cloudy sky. Him and Kenny being the last to still use the bus, they had the walk home to themselves. Kenny was quiet, an earbud in one ear as he listened to his teen angst music._

 _He paused in his walk, still looking to the sky. All day he'd watched the other in secret, had seen him tell another conquest how she wasn't his girlfriend, that he wasn't interested in her that way. It'd opened a possibility. Maybe he was interested in someone else. Or, at the very least, open for someone else in his life. Right?_

 _His heart pounded in his chest, pulse beating in his ears as he glanced at the blond. Kenny stopped as if he could sense his eyes. He gave him a curious look, "Kye?"_

 _There was a second of silence among them before Kyle looked away. His cheeks burned. "Kenny..." he started._

 _"What is it?"  
_

 _The confident part of himself drove away the nervous part. He refused to continue being this emotional mess. He had to know. Words escaped him though, not knowing exactly how to spill his feelings without sounding like the mess that he was. So he acted instead.  
_

 _With a step, the small distance between them was closed. His lips chastely met Kenny's warm ones. A peck, small but assuring in what it had to say. It sent a jolt nevertheless, pulse fast as the shock slowed. He saw the shock in the other's eyes first before he saw the sadness. Kenny looked away as if he couldn't stand to look at him.  
_

 _He felt broken. His legs felt wobbly then, and his entire being felt as if cold water had been splashed against him in the cool air of the outside. He shook.  
_

 _"I'm sorry, I just-"  
_

 _"Kyle," Kenny interrupted. "I don't feel that way-I mean-I like you..."  
_

"As a friend," _was left unsaid but known by them both. Kyle nodded, frustration with himself panning out over the dampening emotional spiral. He felt dizzy. He would do anything to turn invisible at this moment.  
_

 _"I just had to know," it was half to Kenny half to himself.  
_

 _Would their friendship withstand? Did he just ruin something he once thought an unbreakable bond? His logical side knew the_ _embarrassment wouldn't last, that Kenny wouldn't hold it against him. But every other side of him screamed otherwise._

 _Kenny spoke again just as he started to walk away, words keeping Kyle still in place. "This doesn't-it doesn't change anything." Kenny said assuredly, but with a noticeable voice break in the middle, as if it had been him who'd kissed the other. "I just can't think of you like that, Kyle. I never could."_

 _The words hurt worse than they had any right to, and his frame trembled further. He needed to go home. His throat felt like a knife had been sawed into it, rendering speech useless. He nodded in its stead, staying faced away from the other._

 _He swore to himself the wetness in his eyes was from anything but tears. Everything except them._

Except that it wasn't something small, not at all. It was far from anything Kyle had experienced with his brief adoration of either gender. It was more than a crush. And even though he acknowledged this, he'd never truly admit just how fully he felt for the perverted asshole.

And it was with this embarrassment and absolute envy that found Kyle slamming the door just a little too harshly when Kenny finally spoke since he'd entered the house, "Where'd Kyle go?"

And it was with this same embarrassment that Kyle found himself unable to go back inside to grab his forgotten coat. He'd just have to hope Stan would pick it up for him later and give it back to him personally. In any other house he might've come back inside the next day, but being that this was Cartman's house and therefore _not_ a regular person's house he refused outright to enter it and ask for his coat back. In fact, he could already hear Cartman asking him to say something stupid in order to be allowed his possession returned to him.-The jackass. Not that Kyle wouldn't also do it to Cartman had the other boy done the same at his house, but still.-The jackass.

Walking fast, it took little time to get to his house from Cartman's, being as it wasn't even three minutes away on a bad day. But even with him being as cold as he was, he halted just outside the door, and just in time to hear a voice yell, "Kyle!"

His hand tightened on the coarse texture of his bag's strap, body turning back to the front yard from which he'd just entered. "Hello?" he said to the outside, wondering if his mind was playing a joke on him.

But it wasn't, "Dude, you forgot your jacket!" Kyle recognized the voice easily this time as Kenny's. And it wasn't but a second later that the blond entered his line of sight with the aforementioned coat in hand.

"Thanks." Kyle said steadily, walking down his stairs to take the fabric from the blond's hand. But one tug later found Kyle staring at the hand that had yet to let go of the coat. "You can let go now," he prompted.

"Not until you tell me what's been up with you lately." Kenny demanded.

"What do you mean, we see each other everyday, you know what's been going on," Kyle responded without missing a beat.

"Dude, you know what I mean," Kenny supplied, tugging the jacket completely free from Kyle's grasp.

Kyle gave him an agitated look, only to have the same look given in response. "Nothing, classes are just bullshit right now."

The confident reply wasn't enough however, as Kenny saw through it immediately. "They are, but they've always been shitty. That doesn't cover why you keep leaving early. Dude, it's our last year together, and you've spent more time on homework and at your house alone than with your best friends. What the Hell is wrong with you?"

Kyle knew he hadn't meant anything bad by the response, logically. But his mind wasn't thinking logically, at least, wasn't latching onto what he knew as logical. The information flew away in a fit of emotion just as it tended to do when he argued. "What do you care? You've been spending everyday lip locked with every girl in school. I've hardly heard you say two words in a week."

Kenny gave an aggravated look, one Kyle felt himself beginning to already respond to-until the look disappeared to leave a sad one in its place. Kyle sighed at it, looking away, knowing he'd said the wrong thing with the gesture alone. "Kyle..."

The sound was so sad, so solemn that he cringed with the word. He knew what was coming next, a long ass speech that made both of them feel so shitty that they couldn't look at each other for a week or two. At least, Kyle couldn't bring himself to do it.

There was an intake of air before, BANG. Kyle's head jerked up faster than he'd thought humanly possible, eyes widening to take in whatever it was that made the loud noise. A pang of nerves pushed through his entire body at once, eyes meeting the wide; surprised ones of his friend. Blood was flying as a visible shock went through Kenny's entire system.

Kyle could only watch in horror as the sound of quick tires against concrete was released. And with it the car sped away, the bullet in Kenny's chest and skid marks on the road the only signs a drive-by shooting had been the cause of what was about to be the other's death.

With reflexes alone Kyle grabbed the jacket from the shaking palm, pressing the fabric against the hole in Kenny's body. Blood filled it quickly, the orange tint fading to a dirty red. Pressing harder, Kyle looked into Kenny's wide eyes.

"You're okay-You're g-gonna be okay." he said in what sounded like a quiet voice. But his ears still rang from the shot, and he was sure Kenny was too in shock to notice anyway.

"You're gonna be okay, Kenny." he assured again anyway. "I promise."

It was all he could do, hold down the blood until his someone-anyone who'd heard the shot-came running to see the cause. So, he waited, about to pull his hand from the wound to grab a phone when a hand on his shoulder had him starting. Both hands still frozen, he looked up to see Ike standing behind him. He was saying something-but what Kyle wasn't sure. His mouth was moving too rapidly to make sense of it and the ringing in his ears now covered every noise the world could make.

It wasn't until an ambulance showed and two masculine arms pulled him away from the body that Kyle began to hyperventilate.

-0-

When Kenny woke, a stiff soreness met each of his limbs. It was as if he'd spent an entire day doing nothing but exercising without rest. Each muscle was strained and each limb was pushing into the cushion beneath him so heavily they felt unable to move from their spot. Not that, with the pain, Kenny would have done so anyway.

With this bodily awareness, his ears began to pound, and each sense came into being once more. This began slowly, the loud buzzing of his ears lowering, tongue moving around a dry mouth hesitantly, eyes flickering back and forth beneath heavy lids.

And with each sense beginning to become aware came a mindfulness that hadn't been there before this moment. It hurt. Thoughts fuzzy and uncontrolled, each tried to grasp at the questions floating in his mind only resulted in unreachable, airy results.

 _What was going on?_

His brain searched for the answer, wondering just how he ended up wherever he was feeling the way he did. But when the thoughts just gave him more questions, he tried to get answers another way.

Eyes were heavy, literally and otherwise. Feeling as if lifting them was lifting a full sandy weight, blue eyes opened to squint in the white light. He blinked in quick and rapid succession, a buzzing in his ears settling as the light subsided. He breathed out, eyes opening more fully. Head lulled to the side, eyes taking in a rounded form just in front of him.

Blinking again, he found the form taking a more human shape. The buzzing pushed away from his ears, leaving beeps from what he assumed to be a machine in its wake. The shape became completely human, blurred colors now dedicated lines.

The first thought that came fully was just how appreciative he was for that ass. The closest arm strained against invisible weight, pushing against it and moving toward the ass in front of him. Satisfied, a nearly numb hand found the rounded area, and groped it fully.

"Ah!" Kyle stated, starting as he stopped mid-conversation with Stan. "Are you guys fucking with me right now?" he asked, a hand pushing at the one squeezing against his buttocks. "I'm seriously not in the mood, seriously, what the _fuck,_ Cartman?"

"What?" Stan asked, eyebrows furrowing before his eyes turned toward the area behind Kyle after the redhead drew attention to it.

Kyle turned, reddened cheeks turning white as he took in the all-too-awake Kenny on the bed behind him. "Kenny!" But that meant-He turned to either side, and finding no one else, his blush returned. What the _Hell_ was Kenny playing at? He didn't know whether to ignore the gesture from before or to call attention to it angrily.

Kenny shouldn't mess with him like that, not after saying what he had...

But then Kenny spoke, and Kyle's anger only left shock.

 _"Who's Kenny?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

" _Give me it back!" a small redhead whined at a much larger brunette boy. Frustration blushed red on his cheeks, heat radiating there. His hand was raised above his head, fingers strained and splayed out to reach the green material in the other's fist. On the tips on his toes now, his body leaned in closely to the other. The snow under him didn't do much for his balance as he nearly tipped over from the action._

 _The ushanka was raised ever-higher by the bigger boy as he laughed maliciously, "Look at the Jewfro!" Tears peeked at the edges of his vision from the harsh laughter, "No wonder you hide it!"_

 _The redhead retracted his hand at that, face reddening harsher with the words. His hair wasn't that big…Okay, it was, but this boy had no_ right _to make fun of him for it. Not with an ass that big. "Fuck you, fatass!" he said angrily. Anger pooling in his stomach, he acted before he had time to think, knee contacting the other's crotch. The laughter stopped from the brunette, now turning to groans as his body crumbled down into a fetal position, his hat falling to the ground._

 _Kyle grabbed the hat and pulled it over his head immediately, face slowly resuming its normal coloring as the anger melted away. He shivered, pressing the flaps down over his ears to warm them. His cheeks felt numb…_

 _A slow clap turned his attention to behind him. He started, hands falling from his hat as he turned to a boy with a large orange parka covering nearly his entire body. The hood of which covered nearly all of his face, forcing one's attention on large blue eyes. On either side of his face, a peek of blond hair. The clapping stopped as his hand reached forward, head tilting in question after a moment. Unsure, Kyle placed his hand in the other's, bare hand touching the icy glove. When the boy spoke, the words were muffled from fabric, "Kenny." he introduced._

 _"Kyle," he answered back._

 _The blond lowered his hand, blue eyes looking down at the brunette. "He's a fucking dildo." he stated, voice still muffled._

 _"What's a dildo?" Kyle asked, unsure he heard the other correctly._

 _The blond, in turn, laughed._

When Kenny went into his coma, Kyle went into a state of his own. "Too emotional and overbearing," Stan had called him, "acting like your mother," was another. He didn't like being compared to his mother, but he could see just from where Stan was coming. He hadn't been gentle on the others considering Kenny was their friend too, instead he'd focused on his own pain.

And his own stupidity.

How could he act so stupid before all this, demand that Kenny spend attention on him when the boy had already said he wasn't interested. He should've left it all alone, but he constantly showed his feelings about each conquest. Had shown his emotions on his sleeve for even Cartman to see-not that he had. At least, he didn't think he had.

What did it matter though? Kenny wanted his support, and he just left him over and over again. Hell, he was the reason Kenny was even at his house when he got shot. He had left. Just like he had every time he was supposed to stay over. It was unfair to Kenny. And look where it got them both.

He sat on his bed. The hospital had said Kenny had hit his head on the concrete path to his house when he was shot. Not only was his body in a state of disrepair, but so, apparently, was his head. The guy had _all_ the luck.

His fingers trembled as they wiped against an eye. A stray wetness stayed on the hand after, but it went ignored. A coma. Kenny was in a coma, and it was all because Kyle had thrown a hissy fit about something that shouldn't have mattered.

Not to anyone else. Just him.

It was all his fault.

His phone pinged at him, alerting him of a new message. He took it out of his back pocket, leaning up to get it out before unlocking the screen. Stan was messaging him, but that was all he could make out as the words began blurring. Colors obscured into thick pastes without walls. He blinked, feeling the anxiety and anger hash it out in the pit of his stomach. The phone was shaking.

Blinking did nothing but release wet droplets that slid against pale skin and wettened the path in which it fell. His chest hurt. There was an ache with every pound of his heart that had him panting against it. Breath escaped him, suddenly he couldn't get enough air inside, each breath doing absolutely nothing. It was empty. There was no air.

His phone slipped from his hands as they grasped either end of his jacket.

Kenny might not come back.

-0-

He'd cried, screamed, threw things against his wall. Nothing mattered. Nothing changed. Kenny's condition stayed the same. If it wasn't for Karen's constant presence by his side as he sat beside Kenny's bed, he wasn't sure how stable he'd have been. When she sat next to him with tears in her own eyes it made him steadier, made him put on a braver face than he'd shown to anyone else.

It did help knowing that Kenny would have wanted his support for his sister in a time like this. Since he couldn't give it himself…

His hands shook with his inability to express just how upset he was. Karen was here, she didn't deserve to see anyone else a complete mess. He looked to her, watched her quivering lips with an insecurity in himself.

Kenny's parents had a talk with the doctor today.

There wasn't much hope Kenny would come out himself. That was, if he'd come out at all. It took everything he had to move his hand onto Karen's, to steady it as he gave hers a gentle press.

"Kenny wouldn't die on us." But his voice broke.

Karen didn't call him out on it, fingers tightening around his hand instead.

-0-

When Karen and Kenny's parents weren't there, it was usually him alone or with Stan. Cartman didn't even bother to visit most days. And when he did, it was for the cameras lingering in the hallway. Kenny's being shot had made it to their local news, and it was being milked for all it was worth. Which really wasn't much, seeing as how they'd left them alone after a few days of being unable to see the boy. He wouldn't let them film Kenny like this, not after last time.

Green eyes took in the still figure on the bed, body heavy as he sat in the uncomfortable metal chair the hospital provided. He was supposed to be in school right now. His mother was probably going to get angry with him again. It'd been a constant fight to stay with Kenny after the first week.

His grieving time was supposed to be over, and Kenny was supposed to be taken off life support sometime soon. If the second chair was pressed against the knob of the door to where no one could get in to do the job, then so be it.

He wasn't leaving Kenny to die.

-0-

Stan was with him now, trying to talk him down from hurting the doctors. He stood in front of the other, chair gone from the door. It was the middle of the school day, but Stan knew him well enough to leave it to be here. The other kept telling him to act more rational. That no one was leaving Kenny yet, and that his security measures meant nothing.

He outright refused to believe any of it. He'd heard Mrs. McCormick talking about Kenny's already being "dead." Kenny wasn't dead, far from it. Every gentle rise and fall of the other's chest proved his worth to stay in this life. At least, it did to Kyle.

So, it was with great shock and genuine anger that he turned to the blond on the bed, believing a prank was being played on him. The hand on his ass was moved forcibly by his own as he turned. Then, his face grew pale with disbelief.

Kenny was alive. His heart felt free again, weight on it lifting so it no longer hurt to breathe. He lost himself in the blue eyes, breathing out the other's name as if he didn't believe he'd ever say it again.

" _Kenny!"_

His mind was bogged down with so much confusion over the gesture, however. How could the other toy with him like that? Did it really matter if he had him back? What was a joke when it meant the other was well enough to do it?

He ignored the hurt at the gesture for the happiness he hadn't had in three weeks. Kenny was alive. Kenny was Alive. Kenny was ALIVE.

Elation only lasted as long as the minute silence, a croaking voice answering his after the pause. _"Who's Kenny?"_

His face fell, "What?" he asked aloud, because what else could he say?

-0-

Kenny looked at the redhead in confusion, "What?" he replied. He didn't know what else to say. The other looked so pale at his question, leaving Kenny even more confused. Surely, he knew what the Hell was going on? "Where am I?" he asked in the silence.

There was another in the room, a black-haired teen who got up with the sentence. His mouth was open, eyes wide. "Kenny, y-you're at the hospital."

He looked to the redhead, watching as green eyes stared at him and only him. The statement wasn't directed to him-at least, it looked unlikely. "Oh," he answered. The answer must've been to him and not the redhead. _I must be Kenny._ "Kenny…" he whispered. It sounded odd to his ears. Why hadn't he known that?

His head hurt, pressing an ache against his skull every few seconds. His thoughts were scattered, pushing and pulling through his brain. He couldn't place which was which or why they even existed. He was overwhelmed with a dizziness that felt like a smoothie against the walls of his head. "Why?"

The simple question had the redhead moving, crossing what little distance lie between them. His face was pressed into a shoulder as arms leaned him up and into an embrace. It felt so warm, comforting even, but he felt something was deeply wrong with it. Once again, he found himself at a loss for what was happening. He couldn't connect his thoughts to his speech just yet, so instead he spoke in confusion, "What's wrong?"

He could feel the redhead's harsh heartbeat regardless of the distance to his chest. His head didn't hurt so much like this. The shoulders shuddered then, breath copying the motion in an exhale. "You're alive," was whispered lowly into his hair.

Kenny lifted his own arm in response, lifting it and placing it over the other's back. He let it drop there to become weightless, a burn in his muscle responding to the movement harshly. He considered moving it downward and toward the other's rump as he had earlier, but judging by the stale air in the room, that wouldn't have been the best response. He sighed into the shoulder as he heard a door creak open to his side. He guessed the other boy in the room left for some reason.

It hurt to think of why. He groaned as his head pounded its response to the questions roaming around to the forefront. Everything was painful. _Just what was going on?_ He felt owed answers, wondering how he got to where he was, and just why it hurt to think about anything that happened prior.

 _Why couldn't he remember who he was?_ He groaned again, rubbing against the shirt of the other.

"Who are you?" Is the question he settled for next.

The body surrounding him tensed, and he was let go, head falling back into a pillow, as the redhead stared at him with the same shock as before. "K-Kenny…" He sounded sad and spoke with an inflection. The redhead looked away from him, and it wasn't for the first time that Kenny noticed his lithe form. The messy bedhead and bright green eyes led down to pouted lips and a prominent jawline. If it wasn't for the paled complexion and deep bags under his eyes, he would've been picture perfect.

He was quite the sight, but Kenny wondered just why he was here. He didn't seem in the mood for any flirtation, which was fine, or at least it would've been, if he'd just let Kenny know what was happening. The smoothie in his head sloshed from side to side, squiggling through his brain itself now. He closed his eyes momentarily, gritting his teeth as he tried to focus. Opening them, the redhead began to speak.

"You-you don't know me?"

He thought he'd made that clear. "No." he answered, voice scratchy. He looked to see if there was water but found none. His hand found its way to his throat, rubbing the ache there. It didn't help, the ache was from the inside, caused seemingly from a deep dryness lurking there. _Why did it matter if he didn't know him?_

 _But then, who did he know?_

His hand moved to his head as a push of a razor against his forehead had it searing. "I don't know _me."_ It was a whispered confirmation of something he hadn't been able to fully process. His eyes watered involuntarily, and he blinked against it. _Why does everything hurt?_ He tried to sit up again, only to fall back immediately. His back felt nothing, a giant numbness succumbing to pins and prickles the next moment.

He lifted his hand, clenching it and opening it again in front of his eyes. This was his hand. It was as white as the boy in front of him. _He was so pale._ But, how did he know he wasn't always this pale? His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, lips frowning deeply. _How did he know anything was anything?_ He took a deep breath, exhaling deeply through his nose. Everything felt wrong.

Kyle watched before grasping at the hand in front of Kenny's face. He held it for a moment before pressing against it reassuringly. He felt comfort in it, and he hoped Kenny could too. Hoped he could. He'd seen the confusion, and the part of him that was logical had pushed through the blind emotional ambition that had run him prior.

Kenny couldn't remember anything.

He felt like he couldn't stand, then. His legs wobbled with the news. _Would he ever remember him?_ So, he sat on his knees directly next to the other. He was so _tired. When had he slept last?_ He couldn't remember.

He heard Stan come back then, more footsteps adding to the boy's own. His head turned back to see a line of doctors. They looked less stunned than himself, and he wondered how they had any right to, considering they were ready to kill him. He frowned at them, Stan taking his shoulder and leading him from the bed. He noticed his hand still in the blonde's and reluctantly pulled away, fingers slipping from between Kenny's.

The other looked forlorn at the reaction, clenching his hand once the other's was out of reach. Then, he was accosted with questions from the people in white. They stared at him too intently, and he longed for the redhead's hand once more. It had been comforting in the confusion to know someone was there for him.

He looked past the people in white but was unable to make anything out past the scrubs and coats. The man directly in front of him repeated something, and it clicked he should've been listening. "What?" he asked, unsure how to approach the other.

"What year is it?"

Kenny's hand rubbed against his forehead at this, "Um… It's…" He knew what a year _was._

The doctor pressed forward regardless of no answer being given, "Who's the president?"

He stared blankly, blinking as more wetness pushed to the front of his eyes. "President?" _The president is the guy who runs the government. He was… He was… "Who is the president?"_ He breathed again, but his breath was too short. He tried again, breath feeling empty. "Who?" He eyed the men in front of him again.

"Do you remember your name?"

Finally, something he could answer. "They-they said Kenny, is that it?" he added.

"Yes," the man answered assuredly.

Finally, a definitive answer. "My name is Kenny," he remarked lowly. It was a good name, he'd decided.

"Do you remember what happened to bring you here?"

A sharp knife cut through his brain, leaving him breathless, "I-What happened?" he asked, hoping for another answer.

He received none. They did offer him some information however, "We're doctors at the hospital. That's where you are right now." He nodded dully. The doctors seemed to converse with themselves before a final question was asked, "What is your favorite food?"

 _Food? What did that have to do with anything?_ "Food? Um, I guess I like… Something…" He cut off, rubbing his forehead as a burning ache ran across it. He knew food, right? It was something you eat. But, what did you eat?

"Can you recall anything about yourself? Anything at all? Where you live, or someone from your family. A pet, maybe?"

The questions startled him as they only gave him a fresh ache and a quiet emptiness in his head as the answers. "No." It was a quiet statement, but the doctor nodded all the same.

 _He didn't know anything._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

The questions startled him as they only gave him a fresh ache and a quiet emptiness in his head as the answers. "No." It was a quiet statement, but the doctor nodded all the same.

 _He didn't know anything._

The doctors ran a few tests, checking his head and temperature. He was silent through it all, thoughts haywire as his head pounded in retaliation from the questioning. He was so tired. He was supported as he sat up now, taking breaths as something cold was placed against his back. It was uncomfortable. He inhaled, breath hitching before the doctor told him to release it.

Everything just felt so _wrong._ He inhaled once more, back straight as he could make it with the doctor's help. He was prodded again by the metallic plate. The redhead and black-haired teens had left the room as per the doctor's request. He felt lost without them, already liking the reassuring presence of the redhead. _His hug had helped…_

He watched the doorway, eyes lingering there as he was left alone finally. The shut door offered no comfort. The man in front of him wrote things down as Kenny leaned back, and he wondered just what he was writing. Then, he spoke. "Alright, Kenny, your signs are looking good, but we're still unclear on just what we should tell you. Forcing information on you might make everything worse, you see…"

Kenny nodded as the man continued, prattling on with words too big to comprehend. All he was allowed to know was that he was here because of a fall, and that it was unsure just when he'd fully heal or recover memory. He wasn't supposed to have come back at all, from his understanding of it. Thinking back made him wince.

It was so surreal. He knew things, like that the machine beside him showed his heart-rate, but nothing about who his family was. He was supposed to know those things though. He was supposed to know something, _anything_ about himself. But he didn't. He didn't even know his full name.

His chest hurt, constricting with the reminder. The beeps got quicker and he turned his head toward the machine. He had had a life, but he couldn't even remember his favorite parts of it. His inhale was sharp and quick, chest squeezing against his heart. The beeps practically met each other. The doctor tried to calm him, but all he could think of was how much he was missing of himself.

-0-

Kyle was pushed from the room, feeling unsure about everything. Stan had pulled him by the arm out of the small room, and his legs had moved automatically to the pulls from the other. He had quickly lost sight of Kenny as doctors controlled the room, gathering around the other. He sighed as he was let go, "Stan, we should've stayed-"

"Kyle, they need us gone so they can work. Something might be wrong, dude."

Something _was_ wrong, that was the entire reason he'd almost refused to leave. "He doesn't recognize us." he stated, voice nearly a whisper. He confirmed his fear with the sentence.

"I know," Stan answered, scratching at the back of his neck. He was conflicted, and Kyle could see it on his face. Stan frowned at him, and all he could do was blink back with a frown of his own.

"Did you-did you tell Karen yet?" Stan had left him shortly, and he could only guess it was to talk to Kenny's family.

Stan nodded, still distracted. His eyes swayed to the right as he thought, "I called her first." he confirmed.

The redhead breathed a long exhale in response. Then, "Did you tell her about-well about him? His condition?"

Stan's voice broke, "It's not something you can really just say on the phone like that. I just told her he was still in recovery-that this was the beginning of it."

Kyle lowered his eyes at the sound. He didn't know what to say, how to comfort right now. So, he said nothing.

-0-

Karen came not soon after, a tepid smile on her face. It wasn't long before it left however, Kyle and Stan's frowns transferring to her own. "What is it?" she asked. "Kenny's okay right? Is he-is it bad?"

"He's going to make it, but…" Kyle paused, eyes lowering before he looked to Stan.

Stan exhaled heftily, "He doesn't remember anything."

"About what happened?" she looked confused, eyeing them both with furrowed brows.

"About anything," Kyle finished.

She only looked more confused before it looked like it hit her physically, her body looking crushed on impact. She crumpled, "He-he doesn't remember me?"

"He doesn't remember anyone," Stan said quietly.

A silence washed over them until Karen let out a sob, Kyle looking up to see the absolute defeat etched on her face. "I have to-to see him," she stated, voice cracking mid-sentence.

Kyle nodded, gesturing to the closed door. "Only family can come in right now, so I won't be able to join you." he explained gently.

She nodded, body trembling as she pulled the door open. She waited for a second, staring inside before she walked inside fully, letting the door shut behind her by itself. Kyle watched her go, feeling entirely too useless.

-0-

Kenny looked to the door when he heard it close, watching a small girl enter the room. Her expression reminded him easily of the redhead's, in that it looked at a total loss. He quirked an eyebrow, feeling the beginnings of anxiousness in the pit of his stomach.

She looked directly into his eyes, and without a hint of recognition to the doctor, she ran to him. She collapsed directly in front of him, falling to her knees without so much as a flinch at the action. Instead, she reached for him, hugging him tightly. Her head buried itself onto his shoulder, and she nuzzled into it. It was comforting in an odd way, like the redhead's, but it still made his stomach clench unsurely. He knew he was missing something, and it hurt.

He felt his shoulder get colder as it was wetted. "Kenny," she croaked. Then, as if startled by her own voice, she shook her head. When she pulled back, it was to look him in the eyes. Her own glistened, tears pooling there and falling with every blink one by one.

"Who are you?" he asked, voice low, almost afraid to ask.

She visibly started, turning away before her shoulders squared. His heart felt like it was constricting. "Karen," she answered after a moment. "We're… I'm your sister."

His eyes widened, he had a sister. His heart pounded, "Sister?" It was an affirmation to himself, but she nodded all the same.

"Do you-do you remember anything at all?" The question lingered, her hope teetering. It crashed with the shake of his head-he could see it on her face.

"Nothing."

-0-

 _Kyle's face felt hot, the cold of the glass of his bottle only helping so much. He sat at the table, watching Stan as he and Wendy fought over whether he thought Bebe was hot or not. A double-edged sword in his opinion, given Bebe was her best friend. It wasn't like he could proclaim her ugly, or pretty for that matter._

 _He exhaled, wondering if anyone was feeling as drunk as he was. He was dizzy with how many shots he'd taken with Craig and Stan. He wasn't used to drinking as much as they were, hence how Stan was now having a full-on argument at the moment. Then again, drinking only made his and Wendy's arguments worse. Wendy wasn't as delightful a drunk as she thought she was after the fact. But then, he was the first to admit, he was a bit biased when it came to his best friend's own deposition. Years of living with it instilled a decisive protectiveness over Stan. Even if he constantly wished Stan would stop drinking altogether._

 _He wondered if the other ever went through a day without alcohol. He closed his eyes, pressing the bottle to the side of his neck as he hunched into his arms. They lay spread on the table, and he pressed into their sides._ _His head was on fire._

 _A chair scratched against the floor next to him, a person falling into it. Blurred eyes looked up at the newcomer, widening when they saw familiar blues. "Kenny, I thought you weren't coming?" he half-asked half-stated to the other. Unknown to himself, he was slurring every other word with a tilted ending._

 _Kenny looked down to him before he stole his bottle, opening it with one swift movement. He took a long drink, grimacing as he sat it down, "Party's just started and you're already drunk," he admired. "Let me have a minute to catch up." He tilted the bottle up once more, taking a large swig once more._

 _Kyle's eyes swayed to the blond's face as it scrunched when the bottle was placed back on the table. "It's pure vodka." he commented._

 _Kenny nodded, coughing, "My favorite," he said. His voice was strained though, and Kyle knew it was from the alcohol content._

 _He could feel it burning in his throat just watching the other gulping it down in one sitting. He laughed as it hit, Kenny's cheeks turning red, eyes glazing._

" _What made you come by?" Kyle asked, mind too numb to think through the possible reasons himself._

" _Broke up tonight," he stated easily in reply._

" _I thought you and Red would've worked out," Kyle commented with a hum. "Why?" he added._

 _Kenny gave him a long look at that in silence before taking another drink. When he sat the bottle back down, he wiped his mouth._

 _Kyle turned away when he heard Clyde yelling something about shoes, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His eyes turned back to Kenny as the blond stood._

" _Let's go outside." Kenny said suddenly._

 _Kyle hummed again, unsure about leaving his comfortable spot laying out on the table. But then again, he wanted to hear what Kenny had to say. Grunting, he stood. He registered a hand gripping his elbow helping to lead him, and followed it dutifully._

 _He wiped at his eyes as the kitchen swayed back and forth. Maybe he was drunker than he thought… The world opened the moment he stepped outside, Kenny following behind as he pushed him out the sliding doors. He took a deep breath of the air, exhaling gently. He looked back as he was pushed forward-into the yard._

" _We can sit here," Kenny's voice came from behind, hand gesturing him to sit in the grass._

 _He did, only once he sat he found he couldn't sit properly and ended up on his back instead. "Jesus, Broflovski, how much did you drink?" Kenny commented with a laugh._

 _Kyle shrugged, "I don't know," he explained. "We had a contest and I won, I can't remember anything but the ending though." His eyebrows scrunched in thought. What was he trying to remember? He didn't know._

 _Kyle's eyes were half-lidded as he took in the sky. Bright stars stared back, made even brighter by the deep darkness settling beside each dot that made them._

" _How many stars are there?" he wondered aloud._

" _What?" Kenny asked from beside him._

 _He repeated the question slower, unknowingly slipping more slurring into his speech. Kenny shook his head, and Kyle looked to him for an answer._

" _It's weird seeing you like this," Kenny said instead of a reply. "What happened to trying to stay away from alcohol?" Kenny said this aloud, but it was more directed at the world and himself than it was to Kyle._

" _Stan." he said._

" _What about him?"_

" _He drinks it and he's not a downer anymore." Kyle said lowly, "Maybe I won't be either."_

" _If anything you're more of a downer now. I can barely understand you, and I don't even know if you know what you're saying." Kenny supplied. The blond chose to lie next to him then, watching the stars with wide eyes. "Will you remember?" The words were nearly whispered, and Kyle barely caught them._

 _The redhead chose not to reply. Instead, his head tilted toward Kenny to lie flat on the ground. Kenny kept his eyes on the sky before continuing, "Kye," he addressed the other. "What would happen if I died?"_

 _Kyle felt dizzy with the question. His hand found Kenny's shirt, fingers playing with the edge. "You won't die." he said assuredly._

 _Kenny laughed, but there was something in it that made Kyle's chest hurt. His opposite hand rubbed against the dull ache there. He looked back to Kenny, their eyes meeting. They stayed that way for a moment before Kenny spoke again, "You wouldn't notice." he said. "You think you would," he continued before Kyle could protest against the words. Kenny looked back up to the sky, "But you wouldn't. Nobody would." He was so certain, Kyle felt. So sure. "I don't blame you, I doubt I'd care either if I was you."_

 _The words hurt more than the humorless laughter prior to them. He blinked as his eyes stung at them. "Kenny…" he began, unsure how to make sure the other knew he was serious despite his inebriation._

" _Don't." Kenny interrupted, sitting back up before looking back down at Kyle. He sighed then, a hand running through his blond hair smoothly. He gripped the hair at the edges, eyes watching the world around them._

" _If you died," Kyle began, ignoring Kenny's earlier protest determinedly, "I wouldn't know what to do." he admitted. "I'd be scared," His elbows propped him up some, world turning to the side at the movement. He took a moment to collect himself, blinking at the tipped earth in his sight. Even outside the world was too hot, his cheeks inflamed. He sighed out the hot air, eyes focusing as much as they could on the blond._

" _I think I'd be lost without you. Nothing would be fun anymore, it'd just be sad, because you wouldn't be there to make fun of it." Without Kenny's smile, the world appeared darker. "It'd hurt, I think, to do anything without you." It'd be like a piece of him was missing everywhere he went. His chest panged again, but he ignored it this time. A world without Kenny would be lacking in everything that made the world beautiful._

" _I'd hate it." He paused, exhaling again, eyes closing as the cool wind moved over the heat, "I couldn't think of anything worse."_

 _Kenny hummed in response, seeming to scrunch into himself. Knees against his chest, his arms wrapped around them, chin resting on kneecaps. "Red wanted more than a 'fling,' as she called it." he said after awhile of silence._

 _Confused and a bit dazed at the sudden switch in conversation, Kyle allowed himself to move onto the next subject. "Isn't that what you want?"_

" _I thought it was, but I was wrong." he said then, "A relationship is the exact opposite of everything I want."_

" _Why's that?" Kyle asked._

 _Kenny didn't answer, letting the question linger over them. Then, he said, "Maybe it's better if nobody cares if I die."_

 _Kyle tried to understand the words, but the world swayed again. This time it blurred, and when he blinked at it, he found himself in a dream instead._


End file.
